Don’t freak out. I haven’t lost all my marbles yet. Rest assured that I don’t hate Judo. I still love it. On the other hand, two of my daughters have at one time or another told me that they hate Judo. Of course, there’s a story behind my daughters’ statements, which is well worth analyzing because I also hear “I hate Judo” from other judoplayers.

Daughter #1, Valerie, is a 2-time U.S. Olympian. I know what you are thinking. How can an Olympian hate the sport she has done for 32 of her 36 years? The answer is simple. She doesn’t hate the sport. She hates the politics, bureaucracy, petty jealousies, and drama that go along with being an elite athlete in the sport, but when she expresses her displeasure with those things, it comes out as a simple “I hate Judo.”

Another 2-time Olympian expressed the same thing to me at the Senior Nationals last year. She told me that she hated Judo too. I could have walked away without saying anything but I chose that moment to tell her that she was lying. I told her that what she hated was not the sport of Judo, but rather, like my daughter, all the nonsense that goes along with being a player, coach, and national committee member. She looked at me, thought about it for a moment, and then told me that I was right. She loves teaching Judo. She hates all the rest.

If you’ve been around the sport long enough, you know who they are. I’m talking about all the hyper-involved players and coaches who one day just said, “I’m not going to take this crap anymore,” and walked away from the sport. Sadly, most of them walked away permanently, which is something we can’t afford too frequently.

Others have said, “I’m not going to take this crap anymore,” without walking away from the sport. They simply unburdened themselves of the negative obstacles, and took a different path. John Saylor, former coach at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, and Steve Scott, former international coach, both took the independent route as far away from USA Judo as possible. John created the Shingitai jujitsu system, which has a lot of Judo to it, and Steve is still doing Judo through the AAU. He’s even played around with the rules to make Judo competition better.

Valerie has also finally found a way to stay in the sport she loves. She’s now doing something that I thought would never happen. She’s running her own club. She realizes that Judo coaches teach more than just Judo skills. She’s making better citizens out of her students. And the icing on the cake is that my two grand-daughters are now learning Judo from mom making them the fourth generation of Lafons to play the sport. How great is that?

If you get to the point where you hate Judo, the message I’d like you to hear is distance yourself from the garbage, but stay true to the sport. What I find surprising is that many of our disheartened members don’t know how to operate outside the establishment. As a matter of fact, far too many people think you can only operate through USA Judo, USJA or USJF. So, it’s a shock when I tell them they don’t need any of the national organizations to teach Judo and stay with the sport they love to hate. “But what about liability? What about promotions and tournaments?” they ask. Once I point out options and alternatives, the process of teaching Judo without being married to the politics is not so overwhelming.

My other daughter, actually daughter #3, Alexis, is a typical soon to be eleven-year old. She claims that she hates Judo. It’s hard, it requires work and sweat, it’s no fun getting thrown or pinned, blah, blah, blah. Of course, I pay little attention to her complaints. She wants to do ballet and gymnastics, but there is no time in her busy schedule for a second activity. Since she’s a Lafon, she has to do Judo while she lives in my house. She may never be a national or international champion like her older sisters, but she will be tougher than she is today and she’ll be more capable of defending herself.

I know that many feel it’s not acceptable to force kids to do things they don’t want to do. I don’t share that opinion. Too many families are run by their children. I don’t think that’s a good thing. Kids don’t see the big picture. Parents should see the big picture, but often they lose track of their role as decision makers. Not I. San Diego County has suffered two kidnappings of teenage girls, who were ultimately murdered, and a third attempt at kidnapping within the last year or so by the same previously convicted sex offender. The third attempt failed because the girl had had martial arts training. That’s one big reason why I insist my daughters practice Judo.

My mom forced me to take Latin in school. I fought it tooth and nail for a while but gave up because my mom didn’t falter in her belief that it would do me some good. I did six years of Latin. Today, I am glad that I did. My mom was right and I was wrong. And for that I am eternally grateful.

In spite of all the bitching and moaning about Judo, Alexis is always asking me if we are going to do a fun drill today. She enjoys inventing drills and has fun once she is on the mat. I get the occasional, “Do I have to go to Judo today?” And she gets the consistent, “Yes, you do have to go to Judo today! All of your siblings are tough, and so will you be.” I’m confident that when she’s an adult, she’ll thank me for “forcing” her to do Judo.

Oh, by the way, I “hate” Judo too! Sometimes I feel I’m dangling from a tall building and the only thing preventing me from falling is the last foot of a roll of dental floss. Then I remember why I still love coaching Judo. It’s about impacting the lives of others in a positive way.